


He Should Be Here

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 18:43:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15030917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Sam left something more than just Dean behind when he fell into the cage





	He Should Be Here

It was Tuesday, and just like any other Tuesday, you had gone to the park. You sat on the bench watching the kids play as you gently rocked the stroller with your sleeping baby boy inside it.

You didn’t come here for your son though. You came for you. You had been ever since the moment you had found out you were pregnant. It had been a Tuesday too, and a beautiful day just like today. You had called the only person you could think to call, even if you had vowed to each other only 3 weeks ago to go your separate ways and start over. Given your condition, that promise hadn’t lasted long, and this park had not only become your place to dream, it had become your meeting ground. It had become your only connection to the father of your child.

“Hey, how’s little Sammy doing?” his voice sounded behind you, and you looked up to see the tall, broad ex-hunter standing above your stroller, smiling softly at your sleeping son .

“Growing like weed,” you answered, making Dean chuckle as you raised from your seat to let him hug you.

“He lives up to his name then,” Dean spoke softly, giving you an extra squeeze before releasing you and sitting down beside you on the bench.

You just sat there quietly beside each other. Dean and you were the same. You never liked talking about how you felt, and doing so now even if you knew you both needed it was next to impossible. You loved Dean like an older brother and you knew he loved you like the sister he never wanted, but whenever you were together you felt the loss even more strongly than when you were alone, even after baby Sam was born.

You could barely remember a time you had been alone with Dean for more than a few hours before… You couldn’t think about it. Sam saved the world. He sacrificed himself, and he saved the world. You knew you shouldn’t be angry at him, but you were. He jumped into the cage, pulling Lucifer and Michael with him, and he left you. He left you alone, grieving and pregnant with his child. He hadn’t known of course, not that you were sure him knowing would have made a difference. This was who those two boys were. Self sacrificing, flannel wearing, morons, that never realized just how loved they were or how much they were needed. You had screamed at Dean for it until you were hoarse, but the truth was, he wasn’t the one you wanted to scream at. You weren’t even sure you wanted to scream at Sam. You wanted to wring God’s neck for not stepping in. You wanted to make someone pay for how unfair it all ways.

Sam should have been here when you were pregnant. Instead, you got daily phone calls from his brother and pregnancy advice from his girlfriend. You liked Lisa, but it all just felt wrong. It felt wrong. So you had stopped answering your phone in the end, and Dean had started coming here. He needed to see you, you knew that. He was grieving too, and you along with the child you had been caring was his only real connection to his brother.

The first few month you had met, Dean had talked to you about his research. You had listened until you couldn’t anymore. Dean had looked so defeated when you had pleaded with him to stop. Unless he found a way to actually get Sam back, you didn’t want to hear it.

Ever since then all you had talked about was you and the pregnancy. Dean always made sure you were alright. He even asked you if you needed him at doctor’s appointments or lamaze classes. You had loved him for it but declined his every offer. Dean had his own family to look after, and it wouldn’t feel right having him there. Even sitting next to him right now was hard. As much as you loved him, he wasn’t his brother, and Dean knew that. He never pushed you or asked you twice after you had said no to something, as much as he needed you and baby Sammy, as hard was it for you to be around him, Dean never pushed you for more. He was there in a heartbeat every time you had asked. He kept every appointment and he cared more than he had too. Still he never asked anything more of you than you were willing to give. He knew that as much as he needed the two of you, he was a painful reminder of the man you had lost.  

But Sammy deserved having his uncle in his life. Even if your son was never going to have his dad, he was going to have the best uncle in the world. You would get used to being around Dean without Sam eventually. Your heart would heal eventually. You would be able to look at happy families like the one in front of you now, without wanting to scream at the skies about the unfairness of it all. Eventually you would stop crying yourself to sleep at night. Eventually you would go on with your life, but you never wanted Dean not to be part of whatever life lied ahead of you. He was your son’s uncle, and he was the love of your life’s brother. More than a brother. You had never seen a bond like the one between Sam and Dean. You knew that Dean would do anything for you without question, solely because you had held his brother’s heart. You knew no matter what this world would throw at you, you and your son would have a protector for life. Someone that understood your pain and grief. Someone that would listen, if you could only find it in you to finally say the words out loud.

You stared at a little boy, squealing with laughter as his father pushed him on the swing. You stared at the woman, laughing from the bench across from you, holding a newborn baby, not much younger than your Sammy. You fought your tears but all you could see was how Sam would have wanted this for the three of you. You felt robbed of the chance of being a family. Of having a shred of normalcy in this godforsaken world. You missed him more than you had ever imagined it possible to miss anyone and something deep inside of you finally broke.

“It’s not fair Dean,” tears streamed down your face. You felt Dean’s eyes on you, but you didn’t look at him. You couldn’t bare too. “We should all be free, leading normal lives. You should be here with Ben and Lisa, not sitting on a bench listening to me.”

“Y/N/N,” Dean tried to interrupt you, but you didn’t let him.

“Sam should be the one beside me, with his arm around me. We should be happy and talking about a second child or how the first one even happened. He should be annoying me, walking around with his stupid phone taking picture of us, and you should be giving him a hard time for it. Sam should grow up knowing his dad and not that he died a hero. It’s not fair Dean,” you cried, and Dean’s arms closed around you, pulling you tightly against his chest as his lips pressed against you temple.

“I know sweetheart. I know,” he mumbled as he soothingly rocked you back and forth as you cried. “I know you don’t wanna hear it Y/N, but I haven’t given up. I’ll never give up.”

You pulled away with a sob, drying your eyes before letting your gaze meet Dean’s just as the horn sounded from the road, just like it did every week. “Good,” you nodded, and Dean smiled softly, before getting back on his feet.

“If you need anything…”

“I’ll call you, Dean. Go be with your family,” you waved him off with a smile. “We’ll be fine.” You reached out for the stroller. “We got each other.”

“See you next week,” Dean grabbed your hand before you could reach the stoller, giving it a small squeeze, and you looked up at him. You knew that expression. He was going to get Sam back to you, but you didn’t ask. You didn’t wanna know. As much as you wanted Sam here, you also didn’t want to lose Dean. He had come to mean too much to you over these past month. He was your brother and your friend. He was the closest thing your son had to a dad at the moment, and you didn’t wanna live in a world without him either.

“Just don’t do anything stupid Dean. Ben deserves a dad, and Sammy deserves an uncle.” You gave Dean’s hand a squeeze, and you could have sworn you almost saw tears behind his eyes as he gave you a quick nod before turning towards the stroller. Dean gently tugged the covers back over your son and ran a finger over his cheek, careful not to wake him up.

“See you soon Sammy,” he almost whispered before turning and walking towards the car where Lisa and Ben were waiting for him. You took a deep breath, wiping your cheeks before gathering up enough courage to get back on your feet. You quietly walked back to your house, pushing your sleeping son, hoping that this would be the day Sam would be there waiting for you.

You were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t see the man behind the bushes. You didn’t see the way he had been watching you and Dean with a cold detached smile on his face. You didn’t see that the man was the spittin image of the man you were still grieving and longing for every day. You didn’t know that your life was only days away from changing forever… 


End file.
